Brown eyes
hold the power of heaven’s gaze;
lips
from which angelic noise escapes;
my beautiful daughter,
enchantress
since birth,
my will she became;
with no words
and only a smile
the world, she’ll change.
Sierra Kummings (c) 2015
Archives
All posts for the month June, 2015
Not long ago,
my marriage,
it never could be.
Just decades past,
not centuries,
in this land of the free.
Unbelievable
though undeniable,
our shameful history.
Where skin color dictated
with whom one could be.
Just as then,
today celebrates
monumental liberties.
Battles hard fought
and won
for future progeny.
Discrimination eliminated?
Not even close,
Will it ever be?
Yet still, we must rejoice!
in this furthering
of marriage equality.
Sierra Kummings (c) 2015
My Child’s Father
By her hand he guides her,
every step she makes.
Holds her, offers up his shoulder
when she’s upset or in pain.
His arms never falter,
though his back sometimes breaks;
his love only grows stronger
though his will it sometimes takes…
Sierra Kummings © 2015
What makes a father?
In my recently completed first novel (yes I’m smiling when I type that), Morrow’s Horizon, the leading man, Jacob Ramírez, has a fear of becoming a father. Without delving into specifics, suffice it to say, it goes way beyond the typical “I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m going to fuck up majorly” kind of anxiety. Or even the stereotypical “I’m afraid of commitment” guy reaction. Something that through a set of circumstances consumes him. In a way, his story centers around that. Because that fear underlies his very real struggle. For him, there is only one thing that makes a father, and he’s already proven he’s failed at that.
For me, I think I adapt my definition at each stage of my life. Growing up didn’t see much positivity in the way of shining examples of fatherhood. Though as I’ve aged I’ve come to terms with the fact that sometimes life precludes any ability to follow expectations. My own father, I think, chose the path of least resistance. For him. Though it didn’t always turn out that way for our family as a whole—or ever—he did the best he knew how. As a parent now, I’m finding my ability to judge that fading with each passing year.
I know the limitation my life has put on me: Mom to a child with special needs; never, ever getting the sleep I need (like ever); being unable to work outside the home (which makes the crazy in me even crazier); bad back + having to lift 40+growing pounds, and the 70 pound equipment that comes with her…those just but a few. And I know I fall short of the mother I want to be—the mother I once promised I would be.
So what then of fathers? Do I lower my expectations based on my own experiences? Do I raise them for the same reason? Or do I shift to a more balanced view?
I’d like to think I take the third option at this point in my life.
So here it is…my list of what makes a good father…are you ready for it?
…
Grace –
Grace to accept the fact that you will fail. Multiple times over. That your child will hate you, curse you, scream at you before it’s all done. Regardless of whether you’re doing it right or wrong.
Grace to accept the fact that they will fail. That sometimes they’ll be unlikable, cause you to drink (or at least fantasize about it), and will still throw tantrums at the wise old age of 38.
…
The ability to forgive –
Both yourself and your child. For being human.
…
Being humble enough to change –
Though everyone makes mistakes, some can only be made right by change. Most often in the midst of the strongest adversity. Fighting for that change, instead of against it, not only determines its success, but the success of the family as a whole.
…
Treat your children with dignity –
No matter what their circumstance, abilities, or motivations. Treat their situation with dignity. Always.
…
Love
Unconditional. Unequivocal. Especially on the days the kids are at their worst.
—-
That’s it.
My list.
And it looks suspiciously like the one I keep for myself as a mother.
So what about you? What defines fatherhood for you? As fathers, what do you strive for? As co-parents, what do you look for in your partner? As adult children, what do you admire or wish you’d had in your own parent?
Wet earth greets me
damp from the morning dew,
delights my feet,
tickles my toes
while a chill
caresses
my naked thigh;
brisk air, a sweetness
on my skin
I savor.
Like you…
tangy essence
that still lingers on my tongue,
our scents
combined
from lips
to lips
to lips
– silk to soft folds.
As the grass needs water
so do I need you,
heavy breasts
that tease the seam of my legs,
my belly,
my own small offerings
while my mouth
eagerly waits
its turn.
Sierra Kummings (c) 2015
The day has come.
I say, ‘Hallelujah.’
My husband says, ‘It’s about time.’
Both are equally accurate.
As I mentioned in my very first blog post, I am a pantser by heart (for all of you non-writers out there, that means I did not plan ANYTHING about this novel). I sat down one night, needing something to keep me awake while I watched over my sleeping sick daughter, and thought ‘Hey, maybe I’ll finally try my hand at writing.’ A thought I’ve had many times before but never started. The task just seemed SO insurmountable, the mere idea exhausted me.
I’m not sure what made that night different, what convinced me it’d be more fun than work (haha…yeah right). Insanity perhaps?
Actually the writing of it was freaking incredible. I loved every minute of it. Even when I’d become stuck in places, I’d wake with excitement each day to see where the story would take me.
A pantser, through and through.
Then came the day when I sought other writers to critique this beast that I, with no writing experience, cranked out in four months. I thought for sure people would recognize my greatness. I mean, come on, it’s me. And I am AWESOME.
Sadly the only person that recognized anything was me.
My novel (surprise, surprise) lacked direction.
While the story had heartfelt moments, sex scenes I’m so proud of I’ll make sure my mother never sees my work, and story lines for both main characters that compelled most readers to keep reading…the reality was…my writing was rudimentary at best.
Thus beginning the editing stage.
Know what comes after editing?
Hell. Hell comes after editing. Editing is like Purgatory, a holding cell for you before your ultimate fate. Then boom. Into hell you go.
New critiques showed that while my writing skills had increased exponentially, each individual scene existed almost within its own little bubble, without anything tying into the whole…not the way it needed to at least.
Know what that translates into?
I wrote my entire novel in four months. I rewrote my entire novel two more times the next eight months.
All because I didn’t plan.
Which meant…oh yes…all of my pain and torture was my own damn fault.
Now I must admit, because this is my first novel, I think I needed to go through this process. I needed the endless editing and yes, even the endless revisions, to help me understand some of the complicated nuances of writing that most beginners simply do not grasp. Had I planned, my novel may have successfully come to the end sooner, but would the finished product have been of the same quality that it is now? For me, I don’t think so. I learn by doing. I have to be hands-on. I have to change one sentence a million different times to understand the depths of the effect of just one word.
However…
As of yesterday, the fruits of my labor paid off. Not in the monetary sense, of course—though *fingers crossed* hopefully someone out there will find it worthy to represent—but because…
…wait for it…
That’s right. I’ve been silent on here for a few weeks, trying to stay disciplined, and I finally typed THE END on Morrow’s Horizon for the last time.
*drops the mic*
*fade to black*
Since all of my followers have been so awesome, I’d like to share the love. Have a blog? List a link below in the comments and I will add it here. Feel free to list a professional Facebook page if you have one as well, but I will only post links to blogs up here. And don’t forget to return the love with the others who post.
(*obligatory notice: a posting here by me does not equal my endorsement for blog content.)
http://englishdelicacy.wordpress.com/
http://www.cheriescherries.com
http://www.sunologyastrology.com
Sierra Kummings 